So, the past week was a pretty fantastic one for sports events that I couldn't care less about, including the Daytona 500 (why drive on Sunday when you can put it off til Monday, especially if nobody noticed?) and the NBA All-Star Weekend (or as I like to call it, a welcome respite from the drudgery of the NBA regular season).
1. Sportscenter's top 10
Especially during NBA season. How many times do I have to watch the same dunk over and over? The answer: EVERY DAY. Every Blake Griffin dunk is a top play. Any time anybody dunks anything with one hand is a top play. Now, I hate Sportscenter in general, but that's a story for another day. For now, news flash, guys: stuff that happens at least once in every NBA game is not top-play material. Just because Blake Griffin is about seventeen times the manly specimen that I am doesn't mean I need to watch him every time he jumps more than eight inches off the ground.
2. Danica Patrick
Did I miss something? Did she win a bunch of races when I wasn't paying attention? I never pay attention to racing, because I drive my car every day and nobody puts me on television, so that's entirely possible. But I'm pretty sure she's still an above-average driver who gets a lot of coverage because she's a woman. She's the Anna Kournikova of NASCAR. She's also a classic example of hotter-as-an-athlete-than-as-a-real-person. That's not to say she's unattractive, but trust me--if Danica Patrick weren't famous, and you saw her in a bar, you'd probably hit on her, strike out, and then never think about her again. Just saying. Also NASCAR is dumb.
3. NBA All-Star Weekend
Is it fair to say this infuriated me if I forgot it was happening until halftime on Sunday? Yes, yes it is. I think it's evidence enough that this blog alone has, in the past couple of days, featured a lament about how the All Star game doesn't mean anything any more, and no fewer than eight solutions to make it less pointless. Um, I have a solution: GET RID OF IT. Would anyone even notice, besides the people who attend? And don't count the players, who by most indications enjoy the prestige of being selected for the game but not the trouble of actually playing in it (for lessons in how to avoid such a dilemma, see Ovechkin, Alex). I think we'd all appreciate a couple of days off from the crappy, crappy NBA season anyway.
4. My laptop
The reason this posting is two days late (or not, since bloggers don't have deadlines) is that my laptop's hard drive died a couple weeks ago. My laptop is less than two years old, and all I use it for is surfing the internet, word processing, downloading music, and, of course, watching porn. How all of that translates into a completely fried hard drive is beyond me. If my iPhone dies, I might as well just move to Yakutsk. Is this what it was like to live in 1997? Only if the economy also sucked?
My friends, we don't know how good we have it.