Plaxico Burress is reportedly interested in flying with the birds next season, and I couldn’t want it more. It’s not often you can get a 6’5 reciever who should have been the Super Bowl MVP for nothing. Think about it a two year deal worth what, call it 8 mill tops and that’s including incentives, that is a risk worth taking.
As my esteemed colleague Haas has pointed out Plax is 34 coming off a prison sentence for shooting himself in the leg, proving that God has a great sense of irony, and the worst season of his career. But who cares. Vick came out of prison, sucked his first year back and then won the comeback player of the year and had an outside chance of winning MVP. Plax won’t do that. But what he can do is give us a reliable red zone threat something we haven’t had since my boy Chad Lewis left. He gives us size which is critical when you have a quarterback who is as fond of overthrowing as Donovan McNabb was at under throwing.
‘Well what about Desean Jackson’ you’re probably yelling. First off don’t yell you look like an idiot screaming at a (not yet sentient) machine. Secondly fuck that cocksucker. If there is one thing we all should have learned is that when you have a prima donna wide receiver it best to deep six as fast as possible. Thirdly did you like that ‘deep six’ joke, that is the name of a route right? Moving on. Desean Jackson is very easily replaceable. Yes he probably is the most explosive receiver in the game, and yes he punt returns are poetry in motion. But the dude is a moron. His receptions are never as high as his yards would have you thinking. You jam him early and he’s done for the game. His only route involves sprinting 30 yards down field into double coverage. And because I’m lazy you can just read a professional who actually puts an iota of research into his columns.
And finally because HELL YEA I want the most gangsta team ever assembled. I want to sign Ray Lewis, Suh, AqibTalib, Rolando Mcclain and every other player with a rap sheet. I want a shot for shot remake of the Longest Yard where the inmates are wearing Eagles Green.
Right now the Eagles front office is doing their best to make me hate this team. The signing of Plaxico Burress would be step one in bringing me back in.
Step two is using the money they don’t use on Desean and signing Peyton Manning, but we covered that already.