Right about now, you're probably sitting at home, getting ready for another week of work. You just watched the entire anniversary performance of Les Miserables on NJTV, which you accidentally turned on but couldn't turn off (in part because it was hilarious to watch the train wreck that was Nick Jonas--yes, that Nick Jonas--butchering the role of Marius).
As you slowly emerge from a Sunday dinner food coma and wish you didn't have to wake up so goddamned early tomorrow, you find yourself idly wondering: What pissed off Mike Haas this week?
Friends, look no further. I present the second installment of infuriating things from the prior week.
1. The Bryzgalov contract
Yeah, this is getting bumped up to number one this week. On the Jon alluded to this briefly, but Bryz's comments are worth repeating: "I will try to find peace in my soul to play in this city." WHAT? You get pulled from a game against a big rival because you couldn't hack it in Mites on Ice, and that's your excuse? First of all, I'm not interested in your inner peace except as it pertains to you stopping pucks. But more importantly, players don't suddenly develop the nerve to play in a big-time market with big-time expectations. It's something they either have, or don't have. On the bright side, only 8 1/2 more seasons to go!
2. Jeremy Lin having a small penis...or not...or whatever
Jason Whitlock drew a lot of fire for his "couple inches of pain" tweet about Jeremy Lin. And that's fine, I can see why people would think it's distasteful. But it's also hilarious. And more importantly, in no way should the Asian American Journalists Association be demanding an apology and saying that "outrage doesn't begin to describe" their reaction. It's not like Jason Whitlock is a world leader; I don't think anybody's putting much stock into what he says. The most important thing about the controversy is that there's only one way to solve this: Jeremy Lin needs to leak a dick pic. He may not be Greg Oden, but he could strike a big (or at least average-sized) blow to cultural insensitivity.
3. The "What _________ Think I Do" meme
These are TERRIBLE. First of all, you're assuming anyone gives enough of a shit about what you do to contemplate it in the first place, which is wrong. Second, the pictures are totally unrelated to the captions. You can switch what your family thinks you do with what society thinks you do, and it doesn't make any difference. They're intended as the worst kind of inside joke for [insert meme subject here], only everybody outside your stupid group has to hear it, too. They're just not funny. You can lump the insane, awful proliferation of "Shit ________ Say" in with this complaint, too. Memes were better when they couldn't get co-opted by every idiot with access to a video camera and quickmeme.com.
4. Facebook's Timeline setting
It's hard for me to read. I don't like having to go back and forth across the screen. The pictures at the top are too big. Apparently I'm 65 years old. Whatever, I'm just dreading the day when I know Facebook will force me to change my profile to Timeline.
And one thing I loved!
Jeremy Lin puns. Sorry to bring it back to him, but I honestly can't get Lin-nough of them. They're gold-Lin as far as I'm concerned. And even if we have to suffer some racially Linsensitive Lincidences, the overall comedic benefit is Linarguable. Lin fact, the unimagLinable Linjoyment the public has been deriving from Linsanity is at least as Linteresting a phenomenon as Lin's on-court accompLinshments and contributions to the Knicks' Linning ways. The potential for humor is seemingly Linitless, perhaps Linfinite. Also, this, this, this, and especially this.