As posted, Jon Moss wants to fix NBA All Star Weekend. Great idea, and while we’re at it how about we fill the Hindenburg up again after we surface the Titanic. But in the spirit of the season I’ve come up with my own list of suggestions which will not get implemented either.
1. Hold the event outside. During the lockout the biggest story was hearing about Kevin Durant burning Rucker Park down. Who wouldn’t want to see the best in the world all wearing inflammatory ‘And 1’ shirts? The best thing the NHL does is the Winter Classic. Well basketball is supposed to be played outside so why not give it a try?
2. A minimum of $15 million dollar a year contract to compete in the All Star events. As Jeff alluded to who really cares about Paul George or Jeremy Evans dunking or Anthony Morrow and Ryan Anderson bricking 3’s. This is an All Star event, not an All Star and friend’s event. And as a sidebar: Stern needs to strong arm Lebron into doing the dunk contest, he is the only person I have even the slightest interest in watching dunk.
3. This probably goes against the NCAA, but we all know that organization is as clean as Mayor Nutter in a bowling alley, so why not Kentucky vs. the Bobcats. I’ve always stated that any pro team could beat any college team anytime, anywhere, but Kentucky is practically a pro team- they are just better paid.
4. And while we are on the subject of teams that will never play against each other, how about D-league vs. WNBA All Stars. Seriously if I’m not going to watch something it might as well have some shtick. But this would be an interesting case study. Would the D-leaguers feel threatened and beat down the women? Would the women catch them napping and score more than 20 points? Would there be an insane giant orgy? Who cares but if insist on including your D- leaguers and women (hint: stop doing that) at least make them play against one another.
5. Gladiator pit. I’m tired of hearing about who would kill who in a playoff series. I want to see a who would kill who with a fucking trident contest. Would Dwight Howard’s freakishly long arms give him an advantage or would he become a target for everyone to gang up against? Does winning the skills competition make Tony Parker better with a broad sword? Is there a correlation between three point shooting and archery? Would the amount of All Star votes determine if David Stern gives you thumbs up or thumbs down? Who knows, but literally anything would be better than watch NBA All Star game. “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTIANED?”