Weber, Giroux, the Flyers, and Stanley Cup-shaped Sugar Plums

I woke up this morning to about six text messages. One was from my mom. The rest all had to do with Shea Weber.

SHEA WEBER.

By now, if you're reading this post, you know all about the 14-year, $110 million offer sheet that Weber signed with the Flyers last night. I don't want to re-hash the analysis that every single other hockey outlet has provided over the past 12 hours, so let me bullet-point a couple of links that will allow you to apprise yourself of the situation before I launch into a couple of original thoughts:

Nick Young? Kwame Brown? Sixers' only hope is to blow it all up

Out are Lou Williams and Elton Brand. In are Mo Harkless, Arnett Moultrie, Nick Young, and Kwame Brown.

What the Sixers lack in quality, they certainly make up for in lack of quality.

AWESOME KICK ASS AMERICA FUCK YEA

I think we can all agree on one thing: America kicks so much fucking ass that it can do whatever the fuck it feels like doing.  We conquered the moon, castrated the Nazi’s and splooged all over Marilyn Monroe’s face. 

Don’t listen to those PC fags in the pussy media, America is fine.  China ain’t got shit on me, you or any beer swilling, firework blasting, bacon eating freedom lover.  And I know why.  NO ONE DOES AMERICA LIKE HOLLYWOOD!!!!

Ryan Howard is fat

Reported sightings of Howard at BK seem accurate.  The dude must have put on 20 pounds of straight lard over the off-season.  I guess the best way to heal an Achilles injury is to put as much weight on it as possible.  I fear for our first base defense.  

Fantasy Sports: A Breakup Letter

Why don’t we talk anymore?

Why don’t we laugh, cry or look at each other anymore?

Why don’t you call me an asshole anymore?

A Converstaion That Must Have Happened

A powerful man walked confidently into Nello- the most expensive restaurant on Madison Avenue- and scanned the audience looking for his protégé.  He wore a power blue suit, with power striped shirt containing a power red tie and he was wearing power Italian loafers.  His hear was slicked back as was the usual and carried himself like royalty.  To the outsider he seemed like an insufferable prick, but to those who knew him well, he was a bigger insufferable prick, but also the best razzle dazzle man in the business. 

After taking power strides through the restaurant Vince McMahon arrived at the private booth where David Stern was patiently waiting for him.

“Dave, you Jew bastard, how the hell are ya?”

Standing up David Stern reached out and shook the WWE’s outstretched hand and smiled broadly.  “Vinny, you greasy Mick, glad you made it.”

“Anything for you, you know that.”

"Girls" is seriously the worst show on television

Those of you that know me well may be aware that I consider HBO's Girls to be the worst, most overrated show on television. The season's fourth episode, in which Hannah tries to force herself on her creepy boss and then inexplicably quits her job, was perhaps the most terrible half hour of television I've ever had the misfortune of watching.

That said, I was content to hate-watch the show in private, and contain my ravings within the sphere of a few friends. Then I read this.

Let's first of all note the unbelievable irony that three women were enlisted to talk about the first season of a show entitled Girls, and somehow spent the whole time talking about a boy. Whether that's an indictment of the vapidness, inconsistency, and lack of interesting features of the girls portrayed on the show, or a sad statement about the mindsets of the women writing the article, I'm not sure. But either way, it's not good.