Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Fantasy Sports: A Breakup Letter

Why don’t we talk anymore?

Why don’t we laugh, cry or look at each other anymore?

Why don’t you call me an asshole anymore?

What happened to us?  We used to be so close.  I would wake up each morning and instantly looked to see you. 

But now when I look upon you, nothing’s changed.  The message board is unchanged, my starting lineup is unchanged, even my ‘talk smack’ box is eerily silent?

Has this relationship run its course?  Have I out grown you? 

So to reiterate what happened to us?  When I first met you I was skeptical.  I had heard that you’d been around the block and were with a lot of other men, and I have to admit I was intimidated.  Would I be good enough for you, up to your standards?  Would I become addicted to you and start ignoring all of my old flames?  Could you be that one perfect website that would distract me the way no other website could before?

Oh my God yes!  You were everything and more.  You were the reason I didn’t read my book assignments.  You were the reason I forgot all about math.  And you were the reason why I stayed up late to watch a 49ers- Seahawks game on Sunday night.

But like all things, they have an ending. 

I think I started to suspect us slipping apart while I was in college.  Sure I put on a brave face and buried my insecurities deep down into my psyche, but just like Inception, once the thought entered my brain it was impossible to go back.  Twice a year I would come running back to you more excited than ever; usually right around Football and Baseball season, and there you were, looking as good as ever.  But then during the dog days of the seasons I might go a day here or a day there without calling you.  By senior year I was going days without ever stopping in.  And worse, I didn’t feel guilty about. 

My desire to win your pleasure slowly waned.  My drive to crush the competition faded.  My need to pull off the perfect trade subsided.  And my love of making fun of Rublin took a back seat. 

Slowly but surely I started, however unwilling, to get a life.  A life that didn’t rely so much on the computer.  A life that revolved around new experiences and new adventures.  A life that is fueled on copious amounts of alcohol.

But this isn’t all my fault.  You let yourself go.  You let yourself get stale.  You used to provide a great location to vent all my frustrations and shout all of my accomplishments. Now, now the last your message board was updated was three weeks ago.  The last trade happened more than two months ago.  And Rublin isn’t even in this league for me to callously rip on, or his giant nose. 

So I ask again: What happened?  When this thing first started it was magical.  Now I’m starting Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Jeremy Hellickson while he’s on the DL and I couldn’t care less. 

Is it because we live in different states?  Is it because some of us are starting to settle down, and have actually found real human women to return our affection?  Did I find a younger, sexier distraction on this very blog?  Or is it because like all things, we have irrevocably drifted apart and if put in the same room wouldn’t know what to do with each other? 

I don’t know.  I just know you’re not nearly as much fun as you used to be.

But if you’re not doing anything for Football season could we hang out for a few months?    

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